Report 2 years ago 3. Pros You have a cougar Cons You'll have to feed her all the time Spoiler: Report 2 years ago 4. I think the only disadvantage of a massive age difference like that is that you are both at completely different stages in life which may be difficult to accommodate to for each other as your priorities will be different. And of course there is maturity. But other than that as long as you love each other, you can make it work. Report Thread starter 2 years ago 5. She'll make me feel older before my time.
I'm not ready for a family yet. Report 2 years ago 6. It depends how mature you both are as age is not always an indicator of maturity, she could be a young 35 who has kept her youth or an old 35 who isnt very active. If you like each other age doesnt have to be a barrier. Report 2 years ago 7. Original post by bennyboyben. Report 2 years ago 8. Report 2 years ago 9. Report 2 years ago Pros She's 'experienced' She has her own place. I think if you are looking for a life partner, 4 dates is enough to think about whether or not this person is compatible.
So, with no evidence, but you asked: One issue with dating someone 35 is the question that vivid postcard and snarl furillo asked - why is this 35 year old man interested in a 22 year old woman. Among the answers you don't want - because he wants younger women, less experienced women, etc. And if that is what is going on for him, to note that you will always be younger than him, but you won't always be younger, or less experienced.
The only way to figure out what's going on around that though, is over time, to discover more about each other's dating history. That usually unfolds in it's own time. Does he have a history of dating women like you? How did those relationships end? What does he say about women is own age, and his own race? Does he make generalizations or is his response nuanced? That said, my uncle's second wife was 22 years younger, and the loved each other madly. Sadly, he did pass, and she is raising two teens.
But I don't think she would have traded it. And to be honest, there might of been a little bit on his side of being more experienced and therefore able to 'lead' the relationship. But as she matured, I think that dynamic changed. They did have a lovely life together. And the fact that you are employed and he is a student doesn't reverse things, unfortunately. I'm assuming you asked him what difference age makes, though perhaps a more neutral question is how age differences affect relationships - what did he say?
Hopefully his response was thoughtful? And, depending on where you guys live, and your cultural backgrounds, dating someone Black and 13 years older could bring up a bunch of shitty reactions on the part of his friends and family.
Not necessarily, but it could. That's not a reason not to do it - it's just something to be aware of and prepared for it it happens, because you're both going to need to handle that as a team. Before you start worrying about your 50s and 60s, I would think about a little nearer in the future. One of my good friends in his mid-thirties dated a year old for quite some time.
I would say that one thing to consider is that there is what is between the two of you, and there is how the two of you as a couple face the world together - that includes your hopes and dreams, but it also is how you navigate day to day amongst your social circle and how much satisfaction or frustration that brings you. Between the two of them, they were pretty compatible and had a great time one-on-one If they wanted to go out together and spend time with friends, it was always one side's friends or another.
They found it difficult to organically bring all their friends together in any way that would meaningfully stick. Either he spent his weekends hanging with all her early 20s friends, listening to their early 20s conversations about grad school hopes and roommate drama and wanting to teach abroad, or she came along to all of our more relatively sedate mid 30s dinner parties and listened to us drone on about wanting to refinish our floors and the challenges of having newly real pressures at work and how we felt about how politics had changed since we first started voting a decade and a half ago.
It wasn't just a disparity in type of activity - it was the pace of it, the cost of it, the tone of it. Neither felt fully comfortable in the other's world. Not that this sort of constant switching of hats as a couple was inherently a bad thing, but it became a very split existence for them as a couple, and increasingly lonely for each of them to be the lone fish out of water while the other was "at home" amongst their generation.
It made them each feel, over time, that their relationship existed in some strange vacuum that took an exhausting force of will to sustain. You hope that as a couple, you build not only the foundation for your relationship but a foundation for a circle of loved ones you both feel at home in. I think that can be much more of a challenge when there's a significant age difference. The two of you may be able to get along cross-generationally, but I wouldn't underestimate how lonely it can get when you feel like you two AS A UNIT don't really feel like you have a place in the larger fabric of your lives.
You don't sound like a very old soul. You sound like you are in a tearing hurry - and you don't need to be. The person is much more important than arbitrary factors like age. You could spend ten years waiting to meet the right person who is the "right" age. You could meet him and he could be hit by a bus three months later - or you could. So just date him.
There aren't any rules. An old soul knows how seldom we form those real connections, and wouldn't think of losing one over an something so irrelevant. Anitanita - thank you, I think you really understood my question. In regards to "what does a 35 year old want with a 22 year old" - he didn't go and seek me out for being younger. We met salsa dancing - the salsa community is small enough that 19 year olds are mixed in with 60 year olds, and people go primarily to dance, rather than find people to go home with them like at a bar. So we just started talking, and he was new to the area, so I agree to go hang out with him.
And then there was a connection, so we saw each other again. It was only the last 2 dates that age came up - he thought I would have been older. I didn't ask what difference age makes - he asked me. I told him my concerns You are putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can't even see the cart. He had already had a career as a dancer in vaudeville, a stint in Germany during WWII, a failed marriage, and an affair with a German chorus girl resulting in the birth of his first son.
She had worked behind the bar at her parents' tavern and, I believe, had never been out of the state where she was born. Sixty years later, they're still together -- she's 81 and he's going on And yes, she does a ton of caregiving because: But they have had an absolutely devoted marriage, during which they ran a business together and raised a terrific, happy family.
So can it work out? Do I think you need to worry about it right now? All you have to do right now is enjoy getting to know each other. Take care of the present and the future will take of itself. In the near future, I think your biggest problem might be that he doesn't want to settle down. If he's 35 and not married, not in a long-term relationship, hasn't bought a house, doesn't have kids, doesn't even have a long-term career, then those things are probably not very high priorities for him. They aren't high priorities for many people.
But it sounds like they might be for you. And that could cause conflict. My husband is 10 years older than me. We met when I was At the time, we were both students: I was an undergrad, and he was just finishing up a PhD. So in some ways our lives were similar, and we had a lot in common. One issue was that he was just leaving that social context, though, and I was just beginning in it. I had another 10 years of university including grad school ahead of me, and he soon signed on to work as an investment banker in London. That was tricky to navigate.
We had less in common the next few years.
Fortunately for me, he hated banking and went back into academia, and our goals and values and everyday life overlapped a bit more again. The only other issue we have had, if I can even call it that, is that our relationship initially worked because he was kind of an immature 28, and I was a fairly mature The thing is, though, a mature year-old either stays the same, or gets more mature over the next 10 years.
That is not always the case for an immature 28 year old. Fortunately the stint of investment banking in a foreign country kicked his ass into doing a hell of a lot of growing up. He would admit to this too, btw: I'm not just saying it.
Without that, I think we would have become incompatible over the next decade. I can speak a bit about this issue because my brother is twenty years old than his wife. My brother started dating young women naturally when he was 20 but as he got older, his new girlfriends remained more or less the same age. This may seem relatively unimportant but it does have some importance as the relationship develops. When I make certain cultural references to my partner who is more or less my age she gets them straight away. I can remember my brother having issues with one of his previous girlfriends when she did not.
The second issue is friends. His friends are his age, her friends are her age, so they have far less in common when they get together. His current and longest-lasting relationship is with his current wife. But he was around 50 when the first was born. He had no experience of or interest in children.
He had been a lousy uncle to mine. He has turned out to be a poor father YMMV. Two of his certainly are Asperger's. Finally, at his age, he will be 80 when the youngest finishes college. Health issues are already very much there in his case and will only get worse. None of this should put you off. YMMV and, anyway, the most important thing is if you love and care for one another.
But they are issues you be thinking of. It's not so much that after 4 dates I think we'll for sure end up together, but my purpose in dating is figuring out who I'm going to marry, so I want to figure this out ASAP You are twenty-two years old, woman. If you go into any potential liason with the same attitude that you would have if you were renting a car to decide whether to buy it, your dating life is going to seem more serious and more fraught than it ever needs to be.
You're writing about this guy in a way that suggests you're working out how much the maintenance is going to cost you down the road. Take a deep breath and choose your partners based on how they make you feel and how they treat you more than a tick-list of Potential Husband Material criteria. I'm not wishing to sound patronising, but people change a lot during their twenties, and the person who seems right for you at 22 might not by My sister started dating her husband at Was married at He turned 40 last year.
They are so incredibly happy. Good relationships can be hard to come by. Just my two cents. My family really liked him, once they met him. Maybe it was a little odd, not sure.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man | PairedLife
It wasn't for me. Some of his family thought maybe I could be some sort of gold-digger We met at work, so, it wasn't a weird bar pickup thing there, either. We knew we were similar in a lot of social views, and had fun together, and went from there. We've been together 15 years, married for eight. I've been with my partner for 8 years, and there's a 17 year age difference. I'll agree with the other posters who caution that at 22 you may be getting ahead of yourself in seeing this as a potential marriage relationship, and for the record, I was 31 when I met my partner.
But I'll answer your primary question. There are some long term issues with an age difference. You may find yourself dealing with elder care issues much sooner that your peers. My partner's parents were quite elderly when we met, and they both passed away in the last five years. At one point my partner moved in with his dad to take care of him I still had my own apartment then. Lots of time was spent in hospitals and nursing homes, dealing with doctors, then eventually planning funerals and settling estates. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if we had been married with kids at the time.
There is such a thing as a mid-life crisis. The fact that you will be at very different life and professional stages when it happens for both you and him can make them tricky to navigate. I haven't dealt with too much in the way of family negative reactions, but there was some initial weirdness meeting his friends. I don't think they knew what to make of me. It was less of an issue with my friends, because my circle spans a wider age range anyway. I think a lack of common points of cultural reference might be an issue for some couples. It hasn't been a big issue in my relationship, but that's primarily due to luck and temperament.
There are huge swaths of cultural touch points that we don't share. All that said, I'm in a pretty wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This 43 year old will tell you that 35 is practically dead. Put another way, it depends. I'm 43 going on It depends on the guy and a lot of other factors.
Date for a while. Don't worry about the future yet. When I was 23, I met the man who would be my husband. We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. Ipsum did quite a bit of partying in his 20s, and by the time he reached his 30s, he was done with staying out late. If I were a partier in my 20s, I might have felt like I was missing out by being with him, but I was always more of a "homebody" so we both enjoyed the same simple dates: My husband had never dated a younger woman prior to me - his previous girlfriends had been older than him.
And at first he was hesitant about asking me out, but he felt that I was pretty mature for my age, and once he even referred to me as "23 going on He was working in his chosen career, and I was just starting graduate school while working at a job I didn't like in order to pay tuition.
But I don't think it negatively affected the relationship at all. And I think the age difference matters less as you get older. The difference between 22 and 35 might seem like a lot. But between 40 and 53, it's not that much. I married someone with about that much age difference. This is not really a thing I think about or care about. But then I'm much older than you, and I've dated several thousand people, and had a number of serious relationships, and I know what I like and who I'd want to marry.
But then, another data point, so did a family member of the previous generation, and I just went to her spouse's funeral. That being said, we're all gonna bite it some time, and I figure I've got nearly as good a chance as dying before my spouse, despite my age advantage. This is stuff you simply can not game out: Have a good time and, you know, see how the dating goes?
I'm 31, DH is We've been together since I was Because he looks young, we haven't had a ton of issues, but I do get called his daughter from time to time. He is in excellent shape. I know that someday that will change. My in laws both passed away a few years ago, but I was lucky to have a good relationship with them. Our lifestyle and goals were very similar to begin with. Our vastly different life experiences has been awesome for our relationship.
He made me believe in true love. Occasionally, when I mention this, people seem surprised.
Dating a man 13 years older
So yes, there is a significant age gap. But to me, it never seemed like much. Probably because my first boyfriend, who I dated for almost five years, was just over thirty years my senior. I was a teenager and he was in his early fifties. He had a mortgage, a car and a career before I was even born. From school, where I would form adoring romantic attachments to members of the teaching staff while my friends lusted over Justin Bieber, to my gap year, where everyone else took off around the world and shagged surf instructors while I stayed in London, going to restaurants and concerts with men who were old enough to be my father.
I totally understand the appeal of dating younger men. Especially when I was in my late teens and very early twenties, new to London and nervous about the world around me. I liked the safety that came with going to dinner with someone who would choose the restaurant, tell me what time we were going to meet and carry on a conversation about the world around me.